With a little help from my Freds...

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These people are whacked...

Alleged weed whacker attacker faces hearing
Thursday, June 26, 2008
By Jim McKinnon, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
A Westmoreland County man faces misdemeanor charges that he attacked his neighbor with a gas-powered grass and weed trimmer last month in Southwest Greensburg.
The victim, William Bell of Sewickley Street, suffered a cut on his hand that he told police was caused by the plastic twine on the trimmer wielded by his neighbor, Gary Wright.
Mr. Wright, 67, is charged with reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and two counts of simple assault.
He remains free on $10,000 bond, pending a preliminary hearing Aug. 7 before District Judge Joseph R. DeMarchis in Jeannette.
Mr. Bell drove to the Southwest Greensburg police station at 7:20 p.m. May 23 to report the attack and to display his injury. He also carried the spool and twine from the trimmer to show the officers.
He said Mr. Wright had ignored his demand to keep off the Bell property while trimming the grass on the Wright property.
As Mr. Bell approached his neighbor, Mr. Wright wielded the trimmer, running at full speed, and lashed out at Mr. Bell, according to a police affidavit.
Mr. Bell's neighbors from across the street corroborated the victim's version of events.
Mr. Wright arrived a short time later at the police station to complain that Mr. Bell had destroyed his weed whacker.
During the confrontation, Mr. Bell grabbed the tool and tossed it into an alley, the affidavit said.
Mr. Wright denied that he had been on the Bell property.

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If you have the time to read this article in the Post Gazette, please do, and then tell me what the hell does it mean.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08178/892695-85.stm

Who killed whom?

This is how we do crime here ( same way we elect our public officials ) confuse the sh*t out of everyone and then someone goes to jail eventually.

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Lost and one club short....

What a wonderful last couple of days, weather-wise in the burgh. We don't get much sunny humidity free stuff here, so of course, we celebrate.

We play golf.

My son, and my friend Hilary (the only other person I know by that name) and I, headed out to Pittsburgh North for nine holes of beautiful barometric relaxation. We got everything but that.

Hilary got lost on the way out there.

Friends, can I just say this, GPS sucks, it's as incompetent as MapQuest.

Then, I realized I hadn't played this course for years and it seems they added another golf course...whoa.

We couldn't find the first tee, seems you need to hike Mount Everest first and then back track to the red tees..

Hilary (Sir Edmund, after the last climb) was on her way to major multiple birdie action and I was looking around thinking this place sure has changed, where's our sherpa, hmmm...

Anyway, somewhere between holes five and six, we got lost on the course!

This has never happened to Invisi-Gal no matter who the martinis....

Remember, I said there are now 2 courses there, well we couldn't tell which was which and the scorecards they give you only has par stats on it and no map of the holes.

We ended up on the 11th hole.

My son starts to doubt his mother's intra-uterine GPS, and becomes embarrassed as only an 11 year old can. He pulls his brand new black Titleist hat way down over his forehead and tries to pretend he's not with us.

We decide the best course of action would be is to head to the clubhouse and confess our idiocy, get directions to hole 7 , quietly and with honor. Yeah , right.

"Can someone get these people back to hole 7, they got LOST ON THE COURSE!" yells the woman at the desk which is in earshot of the lounge...

We were escorted back to hole 7 by a darling 80year old gent in a cart. There were 3 of us plus our pull carts.

It took two trips.

While everyone watched.

People were coming out of the lounge and club house to get a look at the people who got lost on the course.

Then , somewhere around hole 8, I realize I left my TaylorMade sandwedge on a hole.

For the uninitiated, TaylorMade clubs are expensive and perfect and omigod I can't believe I have left one behind....this has never happened to me before either.

Lost and one club short, a new term for lack of mental acuity.

I call the clubhouse, now all abuzz about the lost women and the young boy and ask if anyone has turned in a wedge. The frazzled women on the phone explaines the leagues have arrived, call back tomorrow....I don't think so.

We finish out the round, head back to the clubhouse where everyone knows our names, ages, and what music we like, how we get lost and lose clubs.... we are now legends.

Hilary takes the opportunity to jump in a cart with a dashing young man to "go look for my club", and within minutes a middle aged white man emerges from the lounge (by the way ladies, that's where all middle aged white men are) and announces he has my my club and was ready to ..ha, ha..put it on Ebay.

Our 80 year old tour giude askes us if we cause this much commotion everywhere,

I didn't skip a beat when I replied, "Why yes we do, and, we do it for attention.".

I was so not an Invisi-Gal, of course I would rather had the attention for something great like curing cancer or being the one who cancelled CSI Miami.

But for a brief moment, Invisi-Gal shed her shield of invisibilty and announced, "I am here, I'm not sure exactly where I am but I am here...."

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Keeping you A-breast of the Situation...

I am the summer solstice baby,my birthday was Saturday (wait for applause) and that's the time of year I do all my annual exams, so can we talk....about mammograms?

Above is the picture of the torture chamber that is a mammogram imaging machine. It looks like something out of a sadistic tomato smasher from hell.

You place your breast on the lower shelf of the machine and the shelf above it comes down and smashes your precious breast, hard angles and all. The technician calls it compression, I call it smashing my breast down against a hard edge and where the hell did you get the compression bullshit?

You do it twice for Manny AND Moe and then you get to do it sideways.

This machine is no doubt was invented by a male engineer.

Can I say something here?

My boobs are ROUND not square, there are no right angles on my boobs unless I'm wearing a Jean-Paul-Gautier-made-for-Madonna bra, okay?

Make a machine that fits my boooooobs!

Because, I know for sure that if men had to have the same proceedure done to their cojones or penises, they wouldn't use THAT machine....so let's be fair guys, give us something round, just like our wonderful boobs,

or, we won't let you touch them anymore.

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This is how we roll....in Pittsburgh

Standoff ends in East Hills as gunman found asleep
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
A man was arrested late last night in an East Hills apartment after a standoff with police.
Police went to the 2200 block of East Hills Drive after residents reported a man with a gun wandering in the neighborhood about 9:50 p.m..
While police were waiting for the SWAT squad to arrive, a woman came out of the building and told police her 3-year-old child was in the bathtub in the apartment.
Fearing for the child's safety, police forced their way in and took three children to safety, said Lt. Richard Pritchard.
They found the suspect asleep and recovered a handgun. The man, who gave police several different names, was arrested.

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Jobs Hunting ?

I was all ready to print a Manorexia alert on Steve Jobs, but it's more complicated than that.

This article somewhat gives alternatives for his condition plus a mini-tutorial on an operation Jobs underwent:

http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/06/13/steve-jobs-life-after-the-whipple/

Whatever you feel about Steve Jobs, there is no denying this man's effect on our culture in a major way.

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Jump into Summer! .....

If you didn't do this as a kid, please do it for your kids or your inner kid:http://www.thetreehouseguide.com/

Join me in my obsession:http://www.golfcoursesguide.org/

The Incredible Hulk looks like a great action movie, and I have always loved Edward Norton, and this trailer is the best!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne3YC339myg

Hear the wisdom Padwan, fire can be your friend;http://bbq.about.com/od/grillinghelp/a/aa011301a.htm

30 Years is a long time to rock, Earth Wind and Fire have done just that, with a positive uplifting message and about a-ba-zillion people on stage, it's been a wonder how they make any money!

http://www.earthwindandfire.com/

Challenge yourself, get out of the house, move your booty:

http://www.active.com/

M.Knight Shyamalan is the most misunderstood director out there, his movies aren't about the event, it's about the human REACTION to the event:

http://www.thehappeningmovie.com/

On the other side of the spectrum, you HAVE to check out UnKnown Hinson:

http://www.unknownhinson.com/index.htm

Get a good look at this, and then run away:http://www.poison-ivy.org/html/summer1.htm

Get lost in fiction:

http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl/9780375504334.html

This is what the kids are up to:

http://www.basement.org/

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Please don't talk to the Lifeguard...

A bonus of being an Invisi-Gal.

You can talk to the Lifeguard and it's okay, he wants to talk to you too because you are non threatening and besides you're like his mother, only funnier.

That fact would've honked me off at thirty, but at fifty, any excuse to talk to the Lifeguard, I'll take.

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Ants in my Pants no more....

The "Bug Guy" is coming tomorrow, I hate using pesticides but we have to do a perimeter spray on our house each summer since we live in the woods...yes we are people of the forest.

We have ants the size of Texas, they will pick you up and carry you to their Queen.

What does this all mean?

It means, since the Bug Guy will be spraying , I will take my precious Invisi-Gal self out and ..............

PLAY GOLF!

Have a great day, see you on the back nine.

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HBO stands for...

Horrible Buying Ordeal....

I am like every other idiot who waitied for the last minute to get something for my dad (who lives in New Jersey poor thing) for Father's Day...it's not because I'm a bad daughter, although that has always been up for review, it's because my dad at 84 years old has everything he's ever going to need.

I thought I found the perfect gift, in fact it came to me on TV last night as HBO advertised the John Adams series on DVD.."there's still time to order for Father's Day... free shipping!"...ohhh I hit the late shopper's motherlode....I would have sworn this was divine intervention.

My dad loves history, especially anything to do with the Revolution, he doesn't have HBO so he hasn't seen this, and I can get it there on time!

Before I order, I do the savvy thing, I check the other websites, it's cheaper but backordered everywhere else, so I go the the HBO website, it's available for overnight shipping...VICTORY IS MINE!

I place the order, I am super shopper Invisi-Gal, then BAM!

I get an email from HBO thanking me for my "advanced order" of John Adams which is on back order and will ship ...uh, whenever but not on Father's Day.....

super-shopper-Invisi-Gal sits motionless...

dashed from victory to village idiot in a single email,

I am screwed, I keep the offer and dash off a card to my dad telling him I'm sorry his gift will be late yada yada yada...bad daughter status rising.

HBO advertised an item, enticing me for Father's Day delivery, when it wasn't even in their warehouse....bad bad corporation.

As I explainded to the very patient "supervisor" on the phone,

"I know you don't care about me, you deal in so much volume...but the truth is, this dvd cost as much as a tank of gas these days, and everyone is very aware of how their money is spent, and NOW is not the time to be messing with that and I will be sure to tell folks that HBO

isn't truthful in their advertising."

Just like I did right now.

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Well, duh....

MAJOR INCREASE IN HEAD INJURIES NOTED AFTER REPEAL OF PENNSYLVANIA’S MOTORCYCLE HELMET LAW

PITTSBURGH, June 12 – Pennsylvania motorcyclists suffered large increases in head injury deaths and hospitalizations in the two years following the repeal of its motorcycle helmet law, according to a University of Pittsburgh study to be published in the August issue of the American Journal of Public Health, available online June 12. Even after accounting for increases in motorcycle registrations that occurred during this period, study authors noted a 32 percent increase in head injury deaths and a 42 percent increase in head injury-related hospitalizations, raising concerns about motorcyclists’ safety and the impact of this trend on health care costs.

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Roll out the barrel...

I hope this guy is right, his article makes sense, simple economics really.

Check back in a few months and see if he's right:

http://money.cnn.com/2008/06/06/news/economy/tully_oil_bust.fortune/index.htm?cnn=yes

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Everyone's a Critic...

Apparently Timir had issues with art...

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08157/887676-100.stm

he keyed a painting (see above) worth over a million dollars at the Carnegie...caught on camera...he was a security guard there, WAS being the operative word.

Let's have coffee and I'll talk...

Okay Starbucks, you win, your new coffee drink has me completely addicted.

Double shot over ice with energy.

Just go easy on the syrup.

One grande of that baby and I am cleaning out closets, doing taxes, and re-arranging my make-up (just to break up) drawer, wow why did I ever buy that nail polish?

Invisi-Gal has one rule however, never call anyone after drinking, it'll be a oneway conversation.

Whew....

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Invisi-moment at Borders Books today. I am really invisible when I travel with my 11 year old son. I am stealth, in my middle aged homogenized outfit.

You know how there is music always playing over the PA at Borders? Well I hear what sounds totally like Steve Winwood, but I want to be sure, so I ask the clerk with the hair badly sprayed in white streaks, and wearing all black and jingling chains and buckles that don't seem to be connecting or holding up anything....

"Excuse me, can you tell me who that is playing over your PA system?"

She looks me up and down, sizes me up, and then speaks into her headset to some person of knowledge and shoots back at me, "It's Elvis Costello."

"Elvis Costello ?", I question, "Wow, it doesn't sound anything like him, it really sounds like Steve Winwood. Are you sure it's Elvis Costello?"

Then I get the look.

Invisi-Gal hates this look.

It means, how the hell do you know who Elvis Costello is, aren't you from the John Tesh fan club?

I march away with my son in tow ( he knows that march) to find the person of knowledge at the info desk and inquire as to who is playing on the PA system.

She perkily says,"Steve Winwood, it's his new CD."

My first impulse is to head back to Streak Head and wave the Steve Winwood CD through the air and say while barking out, "Hey it's not Elvis Costello, it's Steve Winwood,just like I thought, maybe you had a bad connection on your headset due to all that non-essential metal on your body, but anyhoo by golly, thanks!"

Just then I hear my son's voice cut through my fantasy to declare, "Hey mom, you were right, that is Steve Winwood, go Mom!"

I walk away in transparent victory, the moment is mine. I spend the afternoon listening to the new Steve Winwood CD and playing my Nintendo .

Who's hip now?

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You're fired, no, really.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08156/887240-100.stm

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Water Log...

Oh yes, it truly came out today, at the pool...(translate, bathing suit hell for Invisi-Gals) usually we go undetected, everyone is looking a the nubile ones.

Until I went in the water and did...THE SIDE STROKE otherwise known as the Indian or Trudgen Crawl....

No one under the age of 30 even knows what that is! Don't they teach it? Is it a swimming stroke due for extinction with the Baby Boomers?

I remember watching my mother do this stroke with her bathing cap (that had the floppy Carmen Miranda arrangement on it), her full make up, red lipstick and never, I mean never let her face touch the water. That's why women like it, no hair or makeup damage....and I thought it was the stroke for old ladies only, I mean who the hell doesn't want to get their hair wet...

Ooops, mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother afterall...

I'm doing the Aging Ingenue Crawl...

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The Measure of a Man...

The yardstick hasn't been invented with which to measure the content of this man's character. He now lives in glory, having died in victory.

I am saddened by the loss of him from this planet, however, I am lifted by his life's deeds.

You dig deep and see if you have half the courage of this young man, I am sure I don't. I will forever be in awe of Army Pfc..Ross McGinnis.

I know this is no comfort to his parents, yes he did die young, but he lived beyond us all. To see through his eyes, to know his heart would've been a lesson we all could learn.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08154/886773-100.stm

Thank you Ross.

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