Between me and the Mack truck

Allow me to begin my story with the moment I had before I left the house this morning.

As an aging ingenue, I know that accessories matter more than showing leg...so I change purses,scarves and shoes often...I know I know, I'm the only one who notices...and that's who I'm trying to impress anyway.

As I was putting essentials in my purse; raw sugar packets freshly stolen from Starbucks, lipstick, reading glasses...I grabbed my insurance card and held it in my hand for a moment as a voice said "You might need this today".....

Now, I am old enough to listen to that voice...I fought it for years, thought it was my alter ego, who I was never properly introduced to. Now I know, it's divine, it's the whisper of God or my overworked guardian angel...I listen to it and never doubt it.....so on with my story:

One would think at the age of 54 (no I'm not really, yes I am really) that I would have seen almost every idiotic thing a human being can do in traffic.

Until today.

The snow was falling steadily this morning so I thought, better get out there and get your stuff done before the idiots do... apparently, as you will read ahead, Invisi-gal was about a minute too late on that one.

I was driving on a busy 3 lane highway, in the middle lane, all lanes were busy and filled with traffic, and moving at a steady pace....there were cars directly in front of me and a big Mack truck behind me.

I had a fleeting thought that I should get into the left lane...I don't like it when big trucks are behind me...they don't stop well and whiplash collars don't look good on me.

The road was slick and covered with fresh snow and a car was starting to pass on my left so, I decided to stay put in my lane....then it happened.

The car, two cars in front of me, who shall now until eternity be referred to as the Idiot Car, stopped dead in the middle lane and put it's right turn signal on to cross over the right lane to turn off the road.....

Refresh my memory here....is't it ILLEGAL to make a right turn off a 3 lane highway from the MIDDLE lane?

Shouldn't they, if they aren't an Idiot Car, merely merge onto the right lane and exit from there?

Okaaay , just checkin'....

The car in front of me slammed on his brakes and started skidding into the stopped Idiot Car and I hit my brakes and started skidding towards the car in front of me...and the Big Mack Truck behind me started skidding towards me....

in a blinding flash, I reacted.... after a quick assessment that went like this:

"did that car pass me on the left yet,sh*t here comes that truck, is there anyone in the left lane, sh*t here comes that truck, well I'd rather broadside someone than be sandwiched between a Mack-sh*t-here-comes-that- truck and the car in front of me, so I'm ditching left RIGHT NOW!"

My darling Invisi-gal chariot lept into the left lane without skidding -I love you forever all wheel drive- and the Mack truck, now blaring it's horn, skidded right up to the bumper of the car that was once in front of me...by now everyone on the highway was blaring their horns at the supreme Idiot Car trying to make a right turn from the center lane.

Had I not been almost jazzed by the NEAR MISS moment of just barely becoming united in accidental marriage to a Mack Truck...I would have turned my car around , found the Idiot Car no doubt pulled over on the right side of the road and unleashed the wrath and eloquent profanity of the daughter of a WWII Marine Veteran....I am told one can see colors in the torrent of the words that rain down at those moments.

But, I kept driving and found myself instead, mid "Thank you Lord"...which I said over and over....as I patted my newly changed purse that held my insurance card.

I'm not sure what the fall out was from that whole crazy moment, but I do know the truck cleared it's way through because as I did the I'm -kinda -in -shock -old -lady -crawl up the road clinging to the left lane, and my religion I might add...the Mack truck passed me on the right...and we waved at each other....survivors of the Idiot Car Event.

I am breathing, I thought...not crushed between a Mack Truck and someone's back seat...I live another day, to love my husband and child ... I even hugged the devil dog when I got home.

Just like the old Calvin Klein commercial "Nothing between me and my Calvins"...I can say with great certainty, there was nothing between me and that Mack truck...

except

one

big

wonderful

God.

.....