Encounters at Counters

Yesterday I was scanning the shelves in Tuesday Morning for some candles...they have a ba-zillion candles and sometimes they carry Tag Chapel candles, which I love because they are unscented, and do you care...anyway, I found two and got in line at the check out counter.

The woman behind me kept staring at me.

My first reaction when someone is staring at me, is to check my teeth for food, make a mental note of the What Not To Wear outfit I might be wearing,smooth my hair and check for a big ass bug in it, or make sure I haven't tucked my skirt into my pantyhose therefore exposing my who-who to the general public...ah, don't laugh, I've actually done that.

After that I sometimes recall that I have been on television or radio or on the stage for the last twenty-some years and people do "out me" and come up and chat...it usually takes me a while to figure out why a stranger thinks they know me and then it hits me, duh. It's something I will never get used to.

Meanwhile, back to the staring contest...

The woman said, "I'm sorry I keep staring at you, I don't mean to be rude, you just look so familiar, you remind me of someone."

Just as I was about to say, well maybe you know me from television...(this time of year they air reruns of the WXXX Holiday Jam over and over and over again, I get a lot of emails and hellos from that)...

she held up her hands and said " No no, its' not that you are somebody, you just look like somebody".

I nervously giggled , pondering what fresh hell might singe my non-somebody ego.

"You look like that actress, what's her name?".

I sighed an aging ingénue sigh of relief and said "Thank God it's an actress and not some WWF mud wrestler."

She was still lost in thought , head bowed, in her own analog middle-aged recall google ..."Candy, is her name Candy"

Uh oh, she's not naming a porn star is she, this could go south real fast....

"No , it's Elaine...no wait, DIANE LANE, that's it Diane Lane!" she is now doing the I-do-not-have-Old-Timer's-I can -remember- a damn-name-strut.

Oh, how nice , Diane Lane, what a compliment....she is wearing glasses though....maybe needs a change in prescription...

she goes on to tell me she was the production coordinator on the set when Diane Lane was in Pittsburgh shooting a movie I never saw, but how exciting....someone who actually saw Diane Lane in real life, says I look like her...this is big...and I can always use big.

I was about to engage her in a conversation about the local film industry and how we may have many folks in common but something held me back...I really don't know what.

Maybe I wanted to be just a random Diane Lane -in -my -dreams -look -alike and leave it at that.

I walked out into the parking lot with a big smile and wondered if Diane Lane drove an SUV with soccer gear and a 35 pound bag of dog food in the back...

and does she shop at Tuesday Morning to get a deal on candles...

would she buy the dark chocolate mint bar I just bought at the counter and it eat it...

or perish the thought, her next film might have a nude scene....

does she wear yoga pants to the store even though she didn't just come from yoga class?

and does she ever,

EVER,

have someone mistake her for someone else?

...